


What do you mean I'm not allowed to touch the tequila anymore?

by crossroadswrite



Series: Howls From Last Night [8]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crossdressing, Drunken Shenanigans, Established Relationship, M/M, Texts From Last Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4629468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossroadswrite/pseuds/crossroadswrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>(845) He didn't answer me snap so I know he's arrested</b><br/><b>(847) well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.</b><br/><b>(608): OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.</b><br/>.<br/>Voicemail #9 from Stiles<br/><em>“Jo- Jord- baby, I made new friends! Isn’t that gr’t. They gonna make me look like a pr’tty girl! Der too, right!”</em><br/><em>“Riiiiight. I’m gonna be a pretty princess.”</em><br/><em>“Yes you ‘re, baby.”</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	What do you mean I'm not allowed to touch the tequila anymore?

**Author's Note:**

> I made this a series with the other sterrish tfln prompt I filled but know both of them can be read separately. You don't need to read the first one to read the second one.

Jordan likes to think he makes good decisions.

After all he’s studying to become a cop, well, technically he’s studying to become a bureaucrat because his parents think becoming a cop is _below_ them and Jordan will indulge them in finishing college before going to the academy.

So, in becoming a cop, or in aspiring to become a cop, he always tries to do what’s best not only for him but everyone around him. He likes to make conscious decisions.

Unless, of course, it’s body shots day. All bets are off in body shots day.

The point he was trying to make is that he makes good decisions, so when Stiles whined that he wanted to go out and have a bit of ‘a booty shake’ – his actual words – Jordan had just decided that the best thing to do was send Derek with him instead of going himself.

There’s several reasons for this and they all boil down to the fact that he has an exam next Monday and wanted to spent the weekend studying, and that every time Stiles and him went out something- he doesn’t want to say catastrophic, that’s too dramatic, but something _interesting_ certainly happened.

(He still has no idea what happened the last time. He only knows that zoo security was really mad at them and that trying to discourage Stiles from going in to pet the wolves – _but big pupppppiies, Jor_ – is harder than it should be.)

That’s why he’s not worried about it being almost ten am and he still hasn’t heard from either of them.

Because in whatever trouble Jordan and Stiles always seem to find themselves in when drinking is involved, Derek always manages to be the voice of reason. Not to mention that man is a powerhouse with drinking, they have won _so much money_ with Derek winning drinking competitions they almost feel bad for the person they’re competing against.

Anyways, what he was trying to say is: he’s not worried.

He’s not worried as he gets up and sees that neither of them are home yet, he’s not worried when he gets dressed and decides to get down to the coffee shop and he’s not worried when he realizes that he has no idea where his phone is and that he should probably go find it because there might be drunken voice mails with a clue as to where those two idiots ended up.

_He’s not worried okay_.

“Hey Jordan,” Scott calls out from behind the register, the only thing he’s allowed to work at since the great machine incident of last week, “have you seen Stiles? He’s not answering my snaps and I’m kind of worried.”

_Goddamnit_.

He might be a little worried. Especially if Stiles isn’t answering Scott’s snaps.

“I’m sure it’s fine, Derek’s with him.”

Scott makes a face that clearly states it’s not fine at all.

“Hey, Kira I’m taking ten, okay?”

Kira waves him off with a smile, tripping her way to the register like the indulgent (infatuated with Scott) angel she is.

Scott takes Jordan aside and shows him his phone, “I took a couple of screenshots.”

It starts fairly normal. Scott isn’t like most best friends who like to take screenshots of your most embarrassing moment so they can blackmail you with them. Besides doing that Scott also likes to take screenshots of cute things he can then make a montage of to potentially show at your wedding.

Stiles kissing Derek on the cheek with the caption of _going out with the bae~_

A picture of the club they went to. Another of dancers on a stage.

Stiles with a bottle of- is that tequila, yeah there’s no way this is gonna end well – pressed against his face and heart eyes drawn over his actual eyes.

And because the tequila is out things escalate pretty quickly.

There’s Stiles on a stripper pole.

There’s Stiles on a table hands thrown up as the people behind him cheer along.

There’s Stiles in between two drag queens.

There’s Derek smiling broadly and indulgently at the camera and oh _yeah_ he’s hammered. This is terrible.

They’re both probably lying in a ditch right now.

There’s Derek showing off his manicured nails to the camera with a hairclip with a little heart in his hair.

There’s Stiles in full makeup and a wig making kissy faces at the camera.

There’s Derek bursting through a crop top that’s two sizes too small.

There’s Stiles in a flowy summer dress.

“Please tell me that’s all and they crashed at someone else’s house,” he begs.

“Um.”

Scott swipes to the next picture that’s a view from upwards down at Derek who is glaring at the tree, clutching a fist to his chest and ohgod, Stiles is on that tree isn’t he.

What’s with him and climbing to high places when he’s drunk, anyway.

There’s a selfie of Stiles grinning deranged at the camera.

There’s a shot of a police car with the caption _oopsies_.

And then there’s nothing.

Jordan sighs. He doesn’t even have his coffee yet.

“They got arrested didn’t they?”

Scott nods apologetically, “I’m pretty sure.”

Jordan sighs louder.

“I’ll go bail them out.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

«»

In retrospect, no one should allow him to make decisions ever, please and thank you.

«»

Jordan finds his phone under the passenger seat of his car and sees he has eighteen new voicemails.

Voicemail #1 from Stiles  
“ _Jor baby, me and Derek are going in the club now ‘kay. Don’t miss us too much. Love you. Derek say love you.”  
“Love you.”_

Voicemail #2 from Derek  
_“You’re washing the dishes for the next two weeks. Stiles is ordering tequila. A bottle, Jordan. A. Bottle.”_

Voicemail #3 from Stiles  
“ _We found the tequila! Well, we payed for it, but. Still!”_

Voicemail #4 from Derek _  
“He wants to do body shots. I won’t be held accountable for my actions after this. Bodyshots day is cheat day. That’s the rule.”_

Voicemail #5 from Stiles  
_“We’re doing body shots! You should be here, Jor. Derek’s abs miss you!”  
“No they don’t.”_

Voicemail #6 from Derek  
_“Why is there a stripper pole in here? This isn’t a strip club. I need another drink before I get arrested for public indecency.”_

Voicemail #7 from Derek  
_“Stiles wants to do more body shots… Answer the goddamn phone and come pick us up.”_

Voicemail #8 from Derek  
_“JoJo. Joooooorrrrdie. ‘Tiles isson the table. On it. Like. On top of it. His crotch is eyelevel. I think Imma go have the sex with him in the big boys room.”_

Voicemail #9 from Stiles  
_“Jo- Jord- baby, I made new friends! Isn’t that gr’t. They gonna make me look like a pr’tty girl! Der too, right!”_  
_“Riiiiight. I’m gonna be a pretty princess.”_  
_“Yes you ‘re, baby.”_

Voicemail #10 from Stiles _  
“I’m the pr’test of princessezeses bitchatos!”_

Voicemail #11 from Derek  
_“We’re leaving the place- thing- club. I dunno where we goin’ but you should pick us up JoJo.”_

Voicemail #12 from Stiles  
_“There’s a tree. I like it. This tree is my new best friend.”_

The next one is just Stiles slurring quotes by the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.

Voicemail #14 from Derek  
_“A tree ate Stiles! Jordie help!”_

Voicemail #15 from Stiles  
_“Der punched a tree. Jor- Jor- Joooorrdy-buns are you listening, you- you better be b’cause Der punched a tree. Wanna know why. ‘Course you do. ‘Cause I’m on the tree! And he wanted cuddles but he doesn’t want to climb the tree. So he punched it!”_

Voicemail #16 from Derek  
_“Ohhhhnoooo, I think we diddly done fucked up.”_

Voicemail #17 from Stiles _  
“We’re all mad here mister officer! Jordie tell him!”_

The last and final one is Stiles singing Riot Van by Artic Monkeys as someone yells for him to get down from the tree immediately.

«»

Jordan parks outside the station to the image of his boyfriend in a bright neon crop top and his other boyfriend on his lap in his little dress, hiding his face in his neck and whining pitifully every other second.

“How are you out already?”

Derek winces, “They call his dad.”

Jordan makes a face because _great_ , that’s exactly what he needs. Sheriff Stilinski disapproving Dad glare.

“Stiles,” Derek whispers, “Jordan’s here.”

“Is he mad?” Stiles asks and peers at him and for some reason there’s whiskers drawn on his cheeks, “You were mad after the zoo,” he tells Derek, patting his chest.

“I’m kind of mad,” he tells them, pressing his lips together, partly because he’s _actually_ worried and part because they make a hilarious picture.

Stiles groans loudly, “I’m sorry. I just wanted a little tequila. I don’t even remember much- whatever we did we’re sorry.”

Jordan turns to Derek, “How much do you remember?”

“Body shots.”

“And blowies in the bathroom,” Stiles says, “that thing we’re doing. Changing diets to see if cum tastes different totally works. Congrats babe.”

“Thank you.”

Jordan sighs and strides towards them, “I’m not mad. I’m just _disappointed_. In Derek, mostly.”

“That’s hardly fair,” Derek grumps, leveraging himself upwards and tipping Stiles towards Jordan.

Derek for whatever reason recovers from being drunk and hangover quicker. But he also sleeps for sixteen hours straight as soon as he’s horizontal.

“You were supposed to not let things get out of control.”

“You let things get out of control all the time.”

Jordan scoffs, “That’s hardly the point.”

Derek opens the backseat door and helps put Stiles inside, climbing after him and just kind of snuggling.

How in the hell is he supposed to stay mad with those two being so cute.

“There were body shots. Off of Stiles. That’s my reason,” Derek states.

Jordan concedes that one because that’s a pretty good reason.

“Don’t argue,” Stiles whines, wriggling down in his seat until he has his head neatly tucked under Derek’s arm, “just- just look at how pretty I am. This shade of lipstick looks banging on me.”

“Yes, it does, baby,” Jordan concedes. Derek just kind of pets Stiles because he’s weird like that.

“Thank you,” Stiles mumbles, “I think I’m still a little drunk.”

“Possibly.”

Jordan sighs once more, just so everyone involved knows how done he is and then he closes the backseat door and drives them all home.

«»

Both Derek and Stiles are practically dead on their feet when they get home. So Jordan just helps them off their clothes and dumps them in the bed with a couple of glasses of water and aspirin near them.

He shakes his head slightly and pulls the comforter over them carefully, making sure the blinds are closed all the way and the door is firmly shut.

He sends a quick text to Scott to tell him Stiles is fine before he sprawls on the couch to watch Hawaii 5.0.

Because he’s worth it.

«»

Stiles stumbles out of the room some good hours later, squints around and then stumbles some more.

Jordan doesn’t even try to talk to him, just places a plate of food in front of him and watches in mild disgust as he shovels it into his mouth like a starving chipmunk.

“You still mad?” Stiles asks when he’s finally done.

“I’m not really-“

“If you say yes I’ll blow you.”

Well then.

“I’m absolutely outraged with your behavior.”

Stiles smirks a slow careful thing that promises wonderful things.

«»

Derek stumbles out of the room much later.

“Really. Seriously. On _my_ table. It’s not like we eat there or anything. No it’s fine, don’t stop on my account, it’s not like I need to be included in make-up sex.”

Jordan is only a little annoyed when Stiles pulls away from him to drag Derek into the mix, and he can’t stay annoyed for very long, because well. Make-up sex is the best sex, especially when both of his boyfriends are present.

Even if they’re idiots who get arrested for climbing on trees.

Oh, well. It could be worse. At least this time Stiles didn’t convince anyone to break into the library and stack every single book on the bottom floor to look like a penis.

It could definitely have been worse.

**Author's Note:**

> [I dunno man, crop tops and pretty dresses I guess](http://crossroadswrite.tumblr.com)


End file.
